Everything is going wrong….

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What if nothing grows? Is the unspoken question between my husband and I.

We are starting a homestead with a lot of commitment…money, time, public display on our blog and social media outlets 🙂 and we want our big project this year, the veggie garden, to stand for this new way of living in an increasingly self sufficient manner.

So there’s alot of unfair pressure on those little seedlings to sprout (Some of which by the way, have not made an appearence yet).

Somedays it feels like everything is going wrong. The chicken tractor we built is too heavy to move it out of the garage much less around the garden. the digging of garden beds is a battle the grass is winning and Ian’s back is losing. Even when we succumb and decide to rotatiller part of our garden, our neighbor says “oh that grass is so thick, I don’t think the tiller will get through”.

Meanwhile the countdown to spring grass blast off is on since we know last year that by April 1st the grass was knee high…plus it’s almost time to plant in the ground!!

The list of unfinished projects and nothing-going-as-envisioned goes on….

This blog is in need of a facelift but I haven’t been able to make that happen so I am now posting on an very imperfect canvas which is not indulging my deep love of pretty things.

We cleared some blackberries where we wanted the swing set to go only to discover that to actually kill blackberry without chemicals is a major feat for the long term so the swingset remains without a home yet Because all the blog searching hasn’t turned up a solution yet (do you have ideas? Tell us in the comments please!)

Our plans to put our ducks in one section of our garden where they could eat slugs without doing much damage with their big webbed feet was suddenly turned on its head when I read a bunch of blogs that said the ducks would eat every berry off our newly planted berry bushes and maybe even jump up and take fruit of our cherry trees? Wow.

So back to staring at the space planning drawings. ( what’s your experience with ducks? Share in the commets please!)

Not to mention that I not only have a 1 year old whose just realized that by walking she is becoming independent and has reacted by cloning to my hand or leg at all times, but I also have 8 baby chicks, 2 very messy and water guzzling Ducks who require water changes and other cleanup several times a day, and my crazy dog who is not a puppy but still acts like he has never been told to not jump on the table or into Azas highchair to eat her scraps. It’s a household of infants to care for and my house now smells like a chicken coop 🙂

Yep, everything is going wrong. Nothing’s turning out the way I envisioned. Everything is costing more money and taking more time. And why are we doing it again?

Yesterday, I lay in the grass with my baby looking up at the piercing blue sky filled with wind blown cherry blossoms. Aza nurses and points to the sky everytime her favorite bird, the crow, passes overhead. ” Caw, caw” I hear in the distance, the rustle of branches, the distant rooster crowing, the clang of ian hammering in the chI ken fence…. aza pinching my chest like she does these days as she twists and turns and nurses.

Oh yeah, my body remembers, EVERYTHING IS GOING RIGHT.

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The earth underneath me routes me to this knowing. Aza’s pinches awake me from critter brain. The sounds call out for me to listen to my heart and all I have to be grateful for in this life.

I remember the partner that I have across from me to figure it all out with and the journey we have before us of creating. Not just someday in the future…we are living it right now.

Can you look for evidence that everything is going right today? Please share in the comments below all that is going right for you.

 

boldly standing for your happiness,

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3 Responses to Everything is going wrong….

  1. Brook Lee Graham March 11, 2015 at 2:51 pm #

    Even if the plants don’t grow- you will. You will find out what works, what does’t. Either way I love that you are going for it!

    • Tessa Chittle March 11, 2015 at 3:28 pm #

      Oh we are growing, for sure 🙂 thanks brook!

  2. kelli Preston March 12, 2015 at 5:16 am #

    I’M reading this as I just finished ruminating over all of the things aren’t working. I needed to read this post.

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