“All the dads in the group told you this was going to happen! I’m NESTING. It’s normal. Just HELP ME.”
This is what I said to Ian yesterday after he sighed deeply at the millionth to-do list I handed him to get ready for the baby. And even as I said it I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to say….or maybe it wasn’t ALL I wanted to say. Yes, the hormones are pulsing through me driving me to be a little crazy about wanting to feel organized and I did want to express that I needed him to help me with all the pieces I couldn’t do myself so that I didn’t completely lose it…..
But I also wanted to say….
I love you.
I appreciate you.
I admire you.
I am so glad you are my “baby-daddy” because I have so much confidence we can do this together in a beautiful way.
I also wanted to say….
I feel alone because I am about to go through something profound that you can’t fully experience along with me.
I want to connect with you around the baby and “doing tasks” to get ready for her arrival is less scary than actually expressing all my emotions coming up around birth.
I can’t control when she comes, I don’t know what labor will feel like, I have no idea what its going to be like to suddenly be a mom….so I am trying to control the parts I can but really I would love for you to just help me BE with all the unknown.
The disconnection I feel from you because of the barriers I am putting up as a result of fear, is bringing up other fears around how we are going to connect when we are sleep deprived and baby focused….how do we maintain our love story when everyone says our relationship will become harder after baby?
Everyone says…..what a set up that is.
Everyone keeps saying that the first few weeks after baby are the most special magical time we’ll ever have as a family OR the most traumatic, sleep deprived, stressful moments that have ever tested our relationship as a couple.
How do we choose the former over the later? How do we choose magic over stress? How do we CHOOSE LOVE OVER FEAR?
So Ian and I discussed. I cried. I told him I was afraid of how vulnerable birth was going to make me. I was afraid of letting go….of unraveling. Afraid of going to such a deep place of emotion and feminine instinct…deeply emotional places had in the past proven too much for me. Afraid of loving a being so much as I would love my own daughter and him, the father of my child.
I didn’t really even know what this meant or if it was actually what I was feeling, but I just LET HIM IN. And letting him in was enough to feel connected again. Letting him in was a moment of me choosing love over fear. And we realized that this is all we ever have to do to reconnect, to maintain our love story, to find magic rather than stress.
All we have to do, is CHOOSE LOVE. And maybe use some humor to jolt each other out of our own grumpiness 🙂
So we committed to each other to use this as a practice. We discussed how during birth, Ian could help me remember to choose love over fear. And after birth we would remind each other whenever we weren’t feeling connected or were getting stressed or closing off or falling into fearful patterns.
We plan on using this blog as our accountability and would love for others to join us in our 30 day CHOOSE LOVE Campaign. Starting NOW and going through the first month of our time as new parents, Ian and I will post daily examples of moments in which we choose love over fear. Love of each other, love of ourselves, love of little Azalee, love of the earth, love of life, love of the moment. This is how we want to set up our first month as Revolutionary Parents rather than anticipating what “Everyone says” parenthood is going to be like. Our posting here, sets up a structure for us to be mindful, to reflect, to choose how we want to be with each other, with Azalee, with the world, and it will give all of you a glimpse into our first month as a family.
All the REALNESS of being new parents will be documented…..
Please join us and use the comments below our daily post to share your “Choose Love” moment from each of your days! Give one example each day when YOU chose LOVE over FEAR.
PS: we recommend signing up to receive our blog updates by email so you never miss our posts and can follow/join in with this CHOOSE LOVE Campaign.