Everything’s broken.


(One thing on my “TO-LIVE” list this week… photo credit: Zart Art Play Based Learning.)


I know I said our kickstarter campaign for our Tiny House Farmstay would launch today, but it isn’t.

Here’s a look into the voices of my head…



Everything’s broken.

We have two laptops on the fritz with death circles swirling as we upload pictures to our kickstarter page and random moments of shutdowns before we saved our latest version. Every time I get a moment to sit down without a baby on my lap, it seems my iPad is out of juice and the charger is in the other room but if I go in there the baby will see me and my alone time will be over. So I sit frustrated that I have so much to say but don’t have what I need to document my words.

Over the weekend our car broke down in Olympia (an hour from home) and we had to spend the whole day yesterday (my normal work day) driving out there with a screaming baby to get it.

Everywhere I turn, a check engine light, an uncharged technology, a chicken heat lamp that won’t turn on just as I am leaving the house. Not to mention that I can never find a pair of clean socks in the laundry piles…especially at those moments I really need them and the kiddo is screaming. 

And there are chicken shavings all over the floor, like everywhere, thrown by a toddler trying to be helpful to her baby chicks.

And through it all….. the cute voice of a baby, so cute yet so constant and needing a constant response, eye contact, a hand to hold, a lift up, a reminder not to touch the hot stove as she scrambles her eggs….

Scrambled eggs. Yep, that’s what my brain feels like.


I give up.

I can’t do this.

My thoughts and ideas are everywhere and yet there is no time to make them go anywhere. They stay stuck in my head. No release. Things never get finished. Each idea amazing, each project totally doable, if I only had IT to focus on….but I don’t. There’s a baby, a homestead, a husband, a kickstarter campaign, a way to support my family. Each one it’s own full time job.

Seriously, just give me one of my days that I took for granted as a single lady and I would change the world.

Why have we still not built a fence that we researched weeks ago and now I forget what we decided to buy and the chickens are about to rip out the asparagus we just planted because there is no fence….ok more time wasted researching fences again and replanting asparagus.

Is that the priority? Or taking Aza to the pool, or is it writing a press release for our kickstarter campaign, or making short videos, or emailing those blogs that might feature our story. Or should i just vacuum those damn chicken shavings?

What is the most effective action I can take? How can I make it simple? How can I slow down?

I just need to get outside. put my hands in the dirt. breathe. 

And then it becomes so clear it’s silly.

There are no rules mama. You can change your plans. Only you are setting rules for yourself about what needs to be done. Somewhere along the way you started doing too much DOING and not enough LIVING. Not enough BEING. That’s why everything’s broken. That’s why frustration lies in your heart.

It’s ok mama….you just forgot in the excitement of doing something that you believe in so much….you forgot that you can do it all differently…that you can create all you want to THROUGH living rather then at the expense of living.

But now its time to come back to the breathe. Back to the experiment. Back to your Bold Life Project.

Just keep putting your hands in the soil and have faith in what will be created from this act of living in alignment with your values.

Your dreams are important. Supporting your family is important. But it doesn’t happen faster by moving faster.

Leave space for living….space for those little things that keep life turning…keeps the body working….keeps the household functioning. Leave space not by dreaming less, instead just allow things to happen more slowly. Give it more time. More spare moments in between. Less expectation. No rules.

Patience mama. Slow and steady.

Even though, and ESPECIALLY when, you are doing something BIG, scary, important…. Bake bread, make cheese, plant vegetables, create mobiles of leaves with your daughter, create a beautiful space around you, try a new recipe and cook it slowly. 

These acts of LIVING create the alignment within you that inspires your creativity so that what you put into the world is not more clutter but instead deepens the conversation.  These acts reduce the expenses you have to cover with your income so you can take the pressure off yourself and create from your heart. These acts are how you care for your family and your self.

AND this is LIVING, with your daughter, in the present world. The point of it all anyways….

Give LIVING the respect it deserves…it is not a side note.

And remember mama, you are standing for something important with how you live your life. People are counting on you to not lose faith in doing things differently so that they too can give themselves permission to forge their own path.

Sometimes I feel like our generation was told to dream so big that there is no space for the everyday aspects of what it requires to be a human being much less a happy human being. And definitely not space to be a happy, SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE human being.

The paradox is that it seems that simplest of acts of taking care of ourselves, our communities, and our planet are just not things we have time for on our way to “saving the world”. Mundane acts of just BEING are not exciting enough and are left only for when there is nothing else to do on the list and all social media outlets have been scrolled through.

Basic tasks of keeping ourselves and our planet alive, healthy and happy, are not aspirational enough….we are taught to aspire for more and fill all our moments with more “big” things when the living we are already not making time for is causing everything to break around us.

Are we creating more value in the world by DOING at the expense of BEING? Or are perhaps those small acts of living the source of bigger value to the world?

Maybe dreaming big and living a big life is actually about making it all smaller….smaller to-do lists, smaller aspirations, smaller incomes, smaller homes…..all in the name of making MORE spare moments. Or maybe it doesnt have to be smaller, just SLOWER. For it is in the spare moments where the creativity & connection happens. That’s where happiness lies in wait for us. That’s where we can be mindful of the effects we have on the planet and on others. That’s when we feel the full extent of our emotion … in those silly spare moments that seem like a waste of time when we could be doing “bigger things”.

Maybe the world needs saving through silly spare moments.

Maybe in fact, the current problems in the world will ONLY be saved by those moments of LIVING and BEING that we consider wasted time….in nature….in community…in a garden…in that moment you have time to chat with your neighbor or create something yourself rather than buy it…because that’s where the creative solutions are born.

No creative-solution-baby wants to be born into a brain that has no time to tend to it.

And the world’s problems don’t just need more DOING to be solved. They don’t need more templates, or experts, or cogs in the wheel. They need more creativity. More REALNESS. More uniqueness. More connection.

We have been trained, me included, that our “doing” is what makes us valuable. But when I find myself swirling I bring myself back to a new belief I am trying to reprogram into my brain: the life that we LIVE and the BEING that we are is what matters… for this is what really creates the world we want to live in.

My mantra these days that brings me back to this new belief:

Slow down mama. Slow and steady. 

Just be. And live. All that you want to create will come from that.

And so, I know I said our kickstarter campaign for our Tiny House Farmstay would launch today, but it isn’t.

As a mom, I am accepting that things move slowly…maybe more effectively and definitely forward…just slowly. Everything I want to create will be created….just slowly…and only in alignment with exactly who I am because I have no extra energy to try to be anyone else.

I want to go into the 30 day kickstarter campaign with my full presence and creativity and confidence, and none of these things is what it was feeling like this past week when everything was broken.

So I am hitting reset. Re-start. Recommitting to the experiment of how to build momentum around something while being the full and completely authentic me and without getting drawn into the templates, marketing tricks, and sales copy strategy that I see oversimplifying rather then deepening the work we all do. 

I want the campaign to feel fun….like a community gathering to raise the walls of a barn that they believe in. I want it to be done in a way that keeps me in alignment.

I am not a sales person. I am instead a creator. I am a mother. I am strategist. I am a community builder. When you decide to own that you are these things and let go of the  rules people say are necessary for success, you begin creating a different model…a model that relies less on doing, less on marketing, less on templates.

But it does need…Time. Space. Creativity.

>> To bring in the community.

>> To evolve.

>> To create the alignment that allows the work to flow out of you naturally.

>> For the ideas to dawn on you.

>>> For the “non-important” conversations & activities to lead to a connection that changes everything.

And time, space, creativity grows only in a foundation of LIVING. Of slowness. Of realness.

So give me a few more weeks to let this campaign settle into my being. To plant my veggie garden instead of putting it off as I sit at my desk writing kickstarter emails staring outside at the soil asking to be dug. Let me come as my full creative self with the feeling of community support around me.

I promise that I will bring the full potential of what I can create when I am living in deep alignment.

I promise that what we will create all together at The Chittle Homestead will be something real because it was created from  a place of realness.

I promise that even if the kickstarter goal is never reached, there will be value created in the world through the PROCESS of bringing people together, having real conversations, experimenting with authentic momentum building.

{The truth is I know I don’t need to ask your permission, it is mostly a process of giving this permission to myself…and doing it publicly so maybe you will give permission to yourself too}

Don’t worry, you will be able to pre-book your farmstay soon. Get on the list here to be given the inside scoop along the way.

The “doing” will still be happening….the strategist planner big dreamer that I am is still here….just moving slower and utilizing my acts of living and being as a catalyst for momentum. It may in fact lead to the outcome happening faster or it might not. But either way I know I will be standing for the world I want to live in more than I ever have before.

Slow down mama. Slow and steady. Just be. Just Live. All you are creating will come from this.

How about you? Can you give yourself permission to LIVE and BE….to do it all slower…to allow the activities most important in filling your soul to rise to the top of the list…can you make your life a BOLD PROJECT? 

…not once you finish your work, but now.

Instead of my to-do list, here’s my “to-LIVE” list for this week….what’s yours? Please share in the comments below.

  • Bake bread
  • Make yogurt
  • Try a new recipe….cook it slowly, eat it slowly.
  • Make one of these above recipes with Aza without any agenda or timeframe so I wont get frustrated or need her to do things faster or less messily.
  • Make one of these recipes alone instead of thinking all my alone time needs to be spent on my computer “getting things done”.
  • Plant my seedlings not as a side note to get through or check off the list, but remembering that this is what I want my life to be….and becoming fully present to the immensity of this act of growing my own food.
  • Go on a nature walk to collect things for making mobiles with Aza.

Here are the pins I am using this week from my “To-Live” Pinterest boards:

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